


Peter Hale's Excellent Summer

by brilligspoons



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 5 Things, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-11
Updated: 2013-06-11
Packaged: 2017-12-14 16:37:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/839045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brilligspoons/pseuds/brilligspoons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or, 5 things Peter Hale did over summer vacation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peter Hale's Excellent Summer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darthjamtart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darthjamtart/gifts).



> Today is [darthjamtart's](http://archiveofourown.org/users/darthjamtart/profile) birthday! Therefore, she gets Peter-centric crackfic. ~*friendship*~

1.  
Watching Derek stumble his way through explanations about everything werewolf-related to Isaac is one of Peter's favorite things in the whole wide world, but he can only take so much of it for so long before he starts to get frustrated. He says this to Derek one afternoon and receives a (completely unwarranted, in Peter's opinion) snarl in response.

"You could _help_ instead of just sitting there and making sarcastic commentary," Derek says.

"I've decided that my new role in this second life will be comic relief," says Peter, "so naturally any attempts at helping you will only end in hilarious shenanigans." Derek stares at him. "God, you're too serious. Anyway, I'm leaving in a few hours, so I won't be able to help you regardless."

The shade of red Derek's face turns is magnificent. "You've been hanging around here, laughing at me, for _three weeks_ -"

"And now I'm off to the beach." Again, with the staring. "I've been stuck in a hospital years and then dead, Derek. It's time to hit the beach and get a tan."

Peter makes it out of the house before Derek can even leap at him. He steals a convertible from the parking lot outside the reserve entrance, and a couple of hours later, he's driving down the coast with the soft top down and an classic rock station blaring The Rolling Stones from the speakers.

 

2.  
He comes back a month later with a tan, a different stolen car (which he reluctantly dumps 50 miles outside Beacon Hills when Derek orders him to. It was a Corvette, okay?), and a trunk full of paintings he created himself.

"I never thought much about art," Peter says as hammers another nail into the wall to hang more canvases. Derek has made himself at home on the couch and, very rudely, hasn't even offered to help _once_. "But there were all these paint-and-drink events in LA, and it just looked like so much fun, you know? I made some great friends."

"You - made friends."

Peter looks over his shoulder at Derek. "Well, yeah. What, you thought I'd spend a month not talking to anyone? Boring."

Within a week, Peter's successfully introduced the paint-and-drink event trend into Beacon Hills and made even more friends (who aren't teenagers, thank god). He's never seen Derek's jaw clenched so tightly before. It's _fascinating_.

 

3.  
"Derek," Isaac begins, "why is there a lace bra in the backseat of your car?"

Peter swears he doesn't do things just to annoy his nephew, but it's a wonderful side effect. When Derek turns his apoplectic expression to him, Peter holds his hands up in surrender. This doesn't seem to settle Derek down at all, of course, but it was as good a place as any to start trying, in Peter's opinion.

"You told me to stop stealing other people's cars," he says, "and we're family."

"That doesn't mean you get to steal mine," Derek replies through gritted teeth. Peter doesn't see any fangs, at least. "Mind removing your _friend's_ underwear from my car, _Uncle Peter_?"

"There are men's boxer briefs back here, too," says Isaac. "Two pairs. Definitely different owners."

"Your car has a certain _je ne sais quoi_ about it, Derek." Peter strolls past him and snatches the garments out of Isaac's hands. "You should really take advantage of that sometime."

 

4.  
Stiles' reaction to seeing him in the baking supplies aisle at the grocery store is the most precious thing Peter has seen in a while - overdramatic, yes, because it's not like he doesn't Peter is alive, but amusing all the same.

"What are you doing?" Stiles hisses at him.

"Figuring out which pie crust I want," says Peter. "I'd make my own, but the counterspace in my apartment is pathetic."

Stiles looks around them quickly, which would have been a good move to make before he approached Peter. "Dude, seriously, what are you doing here?"

"I've been invited to someone's house for dinner," he says slowly, "and it's considered polite to bring something along as a thank-you. Therefore, pie, possibly blueberry, but I'm open to suggestions."

"You're making pie. For real."

Peter rolls his eyes and steps around Stiles to grab a graham cracker pie crust from the shelf. "You're just as bad as Derek when it comes to stating the obvious. It's like neither of you are paying any attention. On second thought, a chocolate pie sounds better. Blueberries are hard to lick off someone's body."

He winks and leaves Stiles there, red-faced and spluttering.

 

5.  
In a fit of...something (Peter isn't sure what exactly, but it smells suspiciously like a mixture of impotence and rage), Derek paints over the front door to the house a brick red. He's half surprised it didn't happen earlier in the summer, and also half surprised he did it at all. His nephew seems to have developed a guilt complex larger than the continental United States since the fire - one would think he'd enjoy the reminder that more Bad Things are on their way.

"I don't know why you bothered," he says as Derek puts the paint cans back in the trunk of his car. "The county's about to tear the place down."

"Where did you hear that?" Derek asks.

"A friend told me."

" _Oh my god_ \- tell me you didn't sleep with the sheriff."

Peter smiles at him. "I took the liberty of making arrangements for you," he says, choosing not to address Derek's demand. He takes a key ring out of his pocket and tosses it over to him. "I think you'll know where to find the place. You're welcome."

He turns and starts down the hill back to the main road. Derek doesn't call out to him, but Peter knows he'll be hearing about the cartoon dinosaur shower curtain soon.


End file.
